Magnetic Pages Article | 1992-09-02 | 3KB | 33 lines
MPARTICLE
P.V.F.C. and Jaz X
"I feel that I should offer a real #opinion of P.V.F.C. and JAZ X. This
is because I am a sadist, and "because I am a masorchist (I will !probably get the shit kicked out !of me if they read this, and take
it all to heart!!)
Jaz X
% His real name is not actually Jaz X,#he just uses this pseudonym because#he is so embarrassed about his real!name which is Rupert James Albert
Goodridge.! He lists his hobbies as innocent$things such as playing on his Amiga,
and going mountain biking, but%really my mate Jaz loves nothing more#than to creep around in the dead of$night, drinking ginger beer, smoking
huge joints of marijuana, and!scrawling rude messages about the$sexuality of some schoolteachers. He spends a lot of time thinking of$amazing new recipies to make strange"cocktails, his favourite being one$called "A short, sharp screw against
a wall"
Jaz X's appearance belies his personality. He looks brainy and
quite harmless at times, and#although he has an IQ of about 165,$and is a really great, witty writer,"he also works part-time as a hired"assassin. In a recent week of work!experience, Jaz X spent four days$assessing the weaknesses of the bank#he was working in, and on Friday he
held up the bank, and demanded$
50,000 pounds in cash. He was later%apprehended by police when he came to!pick up his pencil case, which he%left at the scene of the crime. These#strange habits aside , coupled with%his love for farm animals, Jaz X is a!decent bloke, and a great friend.#(This is possibly because he is not"quite as weird as me, and can keep
me on the rails)
PVFC
% Our editor, whose initials are those%of a major plastics company, Polymers#and Vinyl Fluoroplastic Company. He%has been forced to adopt this name as
a result of a stupid dare he"undertook two years ago. I said to
him, "I bet she (a girl called%Yasmyn) does fancy you.", to which he%replied "Yeah, and I'm a plastic bag"$Of course, twelve and a half minutes
later, Yasmyn admitted to her!talkative friend Tracey (Who will%spread anything at the drop of a hat)%(Ahem. -P.V.F.C.)that she fancied my $mate. Ever since then PVFC has been
his name, and the name of the
magazine. PVFC's habits include
listening to good music (yeah!!$Radiohead rule !!), typing diligenly%at this magazine, and collecting wind#up toys. His party trick is that he#can eat a whole Muller Fruit Corner$yoghurt without spilling it down his
shirt. He then makes a kind-of$origami syringe from the packet, and%proceeds to inject everybody with the
left over yoghurt. PVFC enjoys$playing badminton (Don't we all !!!)$- (sorry, private joke.. .. get PVFC"to explain !) Phils idea of a good"drink is a double vodka and tonic,
along with crushed ice, and
yellow\red splinters of plastic$hamburger. Unfortunately, PVFC is an!arcade freak, and spends
20 each#time we all go to the local leisure$park on Virtura Racer... (I mean, it!is best to play air-hockey, strip%poker and the biscuit game..I think!)
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